I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
