If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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