ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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