Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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