I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
