Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
