for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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