Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I think your dad took our porno
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
jump out the window naked night went bad
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
