I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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