My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
