it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
