for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
