Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I need a burrito and a hug.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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