I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
