he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
