My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
