so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There r osticjed everywhere
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
