please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
