You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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