Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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