Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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