Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
