you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
