I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
