The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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