Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
