My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
