What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
