Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
