Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
