I think my vagina is haunted
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
