She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
