Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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