i already hear my dad disowning me
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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