so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
