Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
