and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
