If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
