it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
are you so shy because you have an std?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
