So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
