pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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