I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
