the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize