his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
