Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
