garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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