My girlfriend figured out who you are.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
