well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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