You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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