Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize