He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
