I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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