Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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