2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
