and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
