Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize