you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
