Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
