and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
