Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
