Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Text me some of your sweat
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