I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
