Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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