Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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