This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
