Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
