I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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