Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
