people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
