im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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