Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
