More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
pop tarts are not kleenex
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
