its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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