So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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