You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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