I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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