Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
