I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize